


Fear of Falling Asleep

by bastilas



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: (not of feelings), Brendol Hux's A+ Parenting, Confessions, Every Stranded Trope You Can Think Of, Exile, Frottage, Graphic Description of Corpses, Huddling For Warmth, M/M, Nightmares, Past Child Abuse, Some angst, sleeping together for warmth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-07 08:42:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20306659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bastilas/pseuds/bastilas
Summary: Upon returning to theFinalizerfrom a diplomatic mission, Kylo and Hux are fired upon by their own subordinates, sent careening to the surface of the forest-blanketed planet Corstris.The troopers are dead, the shuttle is barely equipped with survival gear, the weather is cold and miserable, and to make it worse: Hux is injured.It isn't an easy journey off of the planet.





	Fear of Falling Asleep

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so believe it or not, I started working on this _months_ ago and finally finished editing it just in time. I wanted to post it before the Hux comic comes out considering this is exactly the same concept (except with 100% more sex lol).
> 
> This is also my first Kylux fic (that I've posted anyway) and I'm nervous bc it's so hard to write these two, so I hope I did alright. 
> 
> I apologize in advance for my absolute garbage grammar, but I hope you this trope-ridden fic! Enjoy!

Swollen, ink-black clouds blot out the sky, hiding away pinpricks of stars and Corstis' three moons that lie beyond. They move quickly across the sky, carried by the same wind that stirs the tall fir trees in the surrounding area, the same wind that makes them creak and moan, snapping off branches and sends leaves flying in its current. Kylo watches as the trees sway side to side, sometimes anticipating them to fall over, but their deep roots hold strong, keeping them anchored to their place in the ground.

He attempts to pull the hood of his cloak down to further cover his face but it's no use. It can't go any further, so he burrows his head in his arms and sighs, a murmur of irritation bubbling up when it still isn't enough to protect his face from the razor-sharp chill. He lost feeling in the tip of his nose a while ago. Resents that it won't stop running. That the skin of his face is tight with cold.

He rubs his hands together hoping to introduce feeling back into their warmth-leeched skin, shivering as a particularly strong gust cuts straight through the thin fabric of his cloak and robes, giving little regard to the heat he'd managed to generate for himself in the past while.

Even the alcove they settled into just before the orange-pink on the horizon disappeared can't protect them from the miserable weather raging on.

Just a foot away, tucked into the innermost part of the alcove, lies Hux, who Kylo knows can't be faring any better, especially with his slight frame and the broken arm he holds tucked beneath his greatcoat.

Kylo saw it up close just after he woke to roaring fire, pain that felt like every inch of his body was bruised, and the warped shell of his upsilon shuttle. The pilots and troopers were nothing more than charred and bloody corpses strewn across the ground, some of them burnt beyond recognition, their lifeforms a void in the force. Then, there was Hux. Just a few steps away, dangerously close to a burning piece of the wreckage, arm trapped beneath a chunk of durasteel. Kylo did what he could, but the shuttle did not come equipped with emergency medical supplies. The kit only came with bandages, gauze, and a small kit of bacta. Kylo never needed anything more. Snoke always said it was better to fight through the pain; to take it and let it fuel his passion and rage.

He'd spent every second using the small tube of bacta on Hux's arm cursing Snoke.

Hux had come to while Kylo wound gauze around the break tightly. He'd hissed cried in pain, all while bitching about Kylo not doing it properly, then remained silent as he could for the rest of it once Kylo corrected his method to his exacting expectations.

And now, here they are, left with howling wind to fill the silence lying between them. The same silence that's been left unbroken for hours.

Kylo shuts his dry and tired-heavy eyes, resting them in a small hope for sleep to overtake his weary body. For a minute, he thinks he may succeed. Until he feels a cold droplet of water land on the exposed part of his face. And then another. All too soon, rain turns into a soft patter, the fire nearby that they'd started earlier in the evening hissing each time a drop hits it. It'll go out soon; has already begun to.

Minutes pass. Sleep eludes Kylo. He thinks of the First Order. The fleet. _His_ fleet. Traitors, all of them. The betrayal was a surprise, but not entirely unexpected; like this was inevitably where his rule was headed. Prior to the crash, there'd been no signs high-command was actively trying to rid the First Order of him. The only indication this would happen were the small signs of disrespect that happened behind his back when the officers thought they could get away with it, not realizing he was privy to their thoughts.

But Kylo always thought he'd see the attempt on his life coming. That he'd know about it and nip it in the bud.

Instead, only seconds before an ear-shattering sound enveloped his shuttle, he felt a sharp tug in his mind, the force trying to yank his attention to the danger at hand, and then _nothing_.

He doesn't know what to do now.

He could try going back to the First Order. To claim it as his once more. But he knows his efforts will be met with heavy resistance. And really, what is he compared to an army made up of millions of bodies? The force may be a formidable ally, but to bludgeon his way back as their Supreme Leader is suicide.

Leaving exile as his only option.

He doesn't want to think about that.

Besides, he needs to leave this planet before he can even start considering what's next. And that will be no easy feat. He possesses regretful few survival skills and is sure Hux holds even less. 

When another breeze buffets his face, he rolls over, face away from the dying fire and instead to Hux.

"Hux," he says into the black of night.

It's silent for a minute, Hux not making so much as a movement. Kylo truly thinks him asleep before Hux makes a weak questioning noise, likely having been brought back from the edge of restful oblivion by Kylo's voice. He almost feels regretful, then remembers the fingers and toes he can't feel.

"How were you asleep? It's freezing."

"Used to it," Hux mumbles, still sleep-bogged.

Kylo frowns, expression going unseen in the dark. "It's raining now."

"So."

"So, I'm halfway in the rain and blocking the wind from hitting you. I can't sleep. Move over."

"Just lie beside me," Hux says, nonchalant. He still sounds half asleep.

Kylo freezes. Just the thought of being that close to Hux sends his mind recoiling. Every second he had to spend in Hux's proximity upon their ship was a second he wanted to leave. To not be in that insufferable prat's presence anymore.

And now, _this_.

Hux shuffles as close to the wall in the alcove as he can, then makes space for Kylo behind him. He settles down again without waiting to see Kylo's response. Kylo stares at the spot Hux left for him. It's such a small thing—Hux isn't making a big deal of it. And yet it seems an impossible task to Kylo. It isn't until the wind batters his face that his hand is forced and he inches closer, heart pounding in his chest and face heating up. He lies down close, but leaves an inch between himself and Hux, then sighs heavily. It's either this or no sleep for the rest of the night. So he wraps his arm around Hux and moves in close. Hux either doesn't care or is almost asleep again, as he makes no move to acknowledge Kylo.

It doesn't take long for Kylo to feel heat seeping into his skin from their shared warmth. He rests his head behind Hux's, his nose almost in the ginger hair he can envision all too well, and picks up on the sharp, chemical smell of Hux's pomade. It's not comfortable, exactly, with pine needles and rocks digging into his skin and the cold hard dirt not doing any favours, but it's better than being on his own.

He hasn't felt a body against his in a year, and never like this. It's weird to be reminded of the pounding of someone else's heart, of their abdomen expanding as they breathe in, or their subtle shifting.

He falls asleep that way, warmer than he'd been before; refusing to move a muscle as if it'd keep him and Hux from remembering they're currently huddled together in a dark forest.

__

It's shaking that wakes him. It's minute. Barely enough to rouse him from the warmth luring him back to sleep. It's not until he's _kicked_ — by _Hux_, who's curled up _beside him_ — that he realizes. Something icy grips Kylo's heart, his heart begins to race in his chest, and he feels the urge to _run_; but it isn't his own fear he's feeling; it's Hux's. Hux is having a nightmare.

Hux gives a weak, fear-filled sound from the back of his throat that sounds wrong, unnatural, something that shouldn't be coming from the mouth of a man who prides himself on being so dignified and untouchable.

Kylo almost considers letting Hux ride it out and falling back asleep. And then the violent jerking starts.

"Hux," he hisses.

Hux makes no response, just continues to fight an unseen terror within his mind.

Kylo takes a more direct approach. He sits up, takes a firm grip on Hux's shoulder, and shakes him roughly. It only takes Hux seconds to snap awake, breath coming in fast pants, eyes open but unseeing. Glassy. He remains that way for a minute—like he'd suddenly been transported to a new and alien dimension, unable to gather his bearings.

"You were having a nightmare," Kylo states. "It woke me up."

Hux closes his eyes and breathes out deeply, slowly coming back to their world again. "I'll make a resolve not to have one next time, then."

Kylo doesn't reply. He merely lies back down and tries to settle into a position that has the minimum amount of rocks jabbing his body. Beside him, he can hear as well as feel Hux's heavy breathing — it isn't slowing down. Frankly, Kylo is rather embarrassed for Hux. Nightmares are almost a weekly occurrence for himself at this point, but never once has he let them disturb him to the degree they clearly do for Hux.

He instead filters out the sounds beside him and listens to the upbeat chirping coming from all directions in the forest, and the pattering of occasional drops of water falling from the trees. It's stopped raining and the wind has calmed, but in the early light of morning, the temperature has not improved in the slightest — he still can barely retain feeling in his feet.

In the corner of his eye, he can see that smoke emits from the fire still, its embers barely alive, with only the core of it still grasping on. At one point the previous night, it'd been roaring, the dry wood sparking up immediately upon touch from his lightsaber blade.

And now Kylo looks at it longingly, wishing for its blistering heat upon his face once more.

It's with thoughts of how they'll find food and water in the morning that he falls asleep, steadfastly ignoring Hux's inability to stay still beside him as he too, tries to fall back asleep.

______

The morning brings with it marginal heat and sunshine. Even with warm beams beating down on them, it can't completely banish the chill settled in deep to their bones.

He wakes to find Hux sitting on the ground before the burnt-out fire, an array of sticks and small logs in front of him in a weird, stacked tower with gaps in between.

Kylo frowns, knowing Hux isn't the type to idly sit around and build a tower with sticks like a child would.

He stands up and walks over, considering it. In the sun, Kylo finds it a bit warmer and stretches, wishing to soak up as much as the sunlight as possible. He looks at the tower again, of which Hux is still working on, resolutely ignoring Kylo's presence. The wood looks wet, which is a problem–

And then it clicks.

"That's to dry out the wood?" He asks.

"Mm," Hux agrees. He still hasn't looked at Kylo to acknowledge his presence, but Kylo doesn't care.

His attention shifts to the charred remains of the fire and spends the consecutive minutes trying to start it again, all to no avail. It's still too wet and refuses to catch. It just emits smoke profusely before promptly sputtering out.

"We should search for a water source," Hux says after Kylo's third attempt to start the fire. "It's the first necessity that'll become an issue now that we have shelter."

"What we should do is find a way off this planet," Kylo says, chucking a stick he'd held in his hand back into the fire pit. He finally looks up and finds Hux staring at him, face pallid and eyes set in dark circles. With his broken arm and the nightmare incident, Kylo wonders if the general slept at all after he woke them both up.

"I realize that," Hux placates, "but if we can't find a way off this planet immediately, we'll die of dehydration. And then we'll never leave."

Kylo grudgingly concedes the point and stands from his crouching position in front of the fire pit. He grabs their bag of meagre supplies and takes off in a direction, not waiting for Hux to follow but knowing he will.

Sure enough, he hears steps trailing behind him only minutes later.

________

They don't talk on their journey to find water. They are not used to being in each other's company for more than an hour or two at a time, of which they mostly spent in meetings or on the bridge.

Kylo is thankful. He has no desire to talk to Hux, especially now that their titles as Supreme Leader and General are completely out the window, leaving him with no idea how to treat Hux. He could still easily kill the man with a snap of his fingers, of course. Is superior to Hux in almost every way—but something in Kylo rebels at the thought. The idea of trying to survive on his own upon this planet is not a pleasant one. Doable, yes, but not ideal.

Besides, maybe Hux is a bit more useful than Kylo gave him credit for. He knew to stack the wood in a manner that would dry it quickly and he even suggested they head downhill as it may lead to a stream or river. And lo and behold, after what could be hours of walking, they find a small stream that trickles overtop of small, smooth rocks.

Kylo expects Hux to gloat at any moment about how smart he is, about how Kylo should listen to him from here on out, but it never comes. He stays silent as Kylo takes the bag off his back and fishes out the water purifier.

Perhaps the broken arm could be bothering him more than he lets on, putting him in no mood to bother Kylo.

Kylo ignores the odd behaviour and instead focuses on capturing the water, putting it through the filter, and then pouring the purified water into the large thermos. There's only one. He supposes he'll be sharing it with Hux too.

They'll have to make trips to the stream often to refill on water, so Kylo chugs the water, refills it, and hands it to Hux, who looks at the proffered thermos with minor distaste before taking it into his left hand, the uninjured one, taking a couple of sips, and holding it back out to Kylo.

Kylo stares at the thermos, making no move to grab it, and Hux's eyes narrow, still waiting for Kylo to take it.

"We'll need to take the trip back still. Drink more, I don't want to have to refill this right away again."

Hux rolls his eyes but brings the thermos back to his lips, quickly downing the rest.

There'd of been a time, not even a week ago, where he'd of choked Hux for such blatant disrespect. But he feels no urge to; feels none of the simmering anger that usually comes with Hux's obvious displays of disdain for him.

Once Hux is finished and Kylo refills the thermos again, they make their way back to their shelter, still no words passed between them. It starts to wear on Kylo, but he's no idea what to say—what sort of small talk Hux would even respond to. Even mentioning the weather will probably earn him a response that's a thinly veiled insult, so he remains quiet.

The sun is already beginning to set when they make it back.

_____

Hux's method of drying the wood works well enough, and Kylo manages to get a rather large fire going, continuing to maintain it by chopping up more wood and laying it out in a tower-like stack just as Hux had done. They sit around the fire and eat dry, tasteless rations, that are rather like chewing wood chips, staring into the fire for a while until Hux tosses his wrapper in and goes to lie down in the alcove.

Kylo makes sure that there's a surplus of spare logs and that the fire is burning brightly before joining him. He doesn't shuffle as close to Hux as the last time, because while it is still cool, it isn't the sharp, bitter chill of the previous night, and this time the fire is still going strong enough to warm him, so there's no need to share body heat.

He falls asleep quickly, lulled by the exhaustion of his body.

________

He wakes in the middle of the night again, though this time for no discernible reason. It's quiet; only a few birds chirp here and there, and the trees sway in the slight breeze.

The fire is still crackling and hissing, his attention is drawn, and he turns to look at it, only to find Hux absent from his side. Kylo jerks up, searching the area to find Hux sitting in front of the fire, his legs drawn up with one of his arms wrapped around them, absently poking a stick in the fire.

Kylo frowns, a half-formed question on his mind, but heavy-lidded eyes and a foggy brain influence him against it. An inquiry for another time, he decides, and flops back over to sleep again.

_________

In the morning, Kylo doesn't bring up Hux's late-night sit around the fire, and instead, he proposes Hux go and fetch more water while Kylo checks the charred ruins of his shuttle for anything useful left. Namely, a communication or mapping device. But those are both located in the cockpit—where the ship first made contact with the ground when they crashed—and the chances of either piece of technology still being intact are slim.

Still, it's worth a try, so he parts ways with Hux and travels back to the shuttle.

The shuttle left a harsh path across the forest while crashing, clear-cutting strong, tall trees and carving up the ground. It's a complete wreck, with only the back half partly intact. The once highly polished dark chrome finishing is mostly charred black, its pieces scattered across the forest, some even embedded in trees and the ground. Kylo stares at the burnt and melted corpse of a trooper. His mask warped and melted to his face, the body left lying in an unnatural position after being thrown upon impact with the ground. It's a wonder he and Hux even survived, Kylo thinks. They were lucky to be strapped into their seats in the back, otherwise, they'd of joined the charred remains of the pilots and troopers.

Worst of all, the ruins are steeped in an acrid chemical stench of melted plastic and durasteel. The decaying bodies don't help in the slightest. Each time he breathes in it burns his throat. He brings his hand up to his nose, hoping to ward off the worst of it, but it helps little.

Stepping over hunks of metal and bodies, he tries to locate the ruins of the cockpit as quickly as possible so he can leave, but it must be smashed beyond recognition on top of being burnt up as there's no sign of it anywhere. Even if the navigation system or comm communication managed to survive the initial impact, they're as good as burnt to ashes now.

He should've known it'd be no use.

There is, however, another section of the ship that could be helpful. Walking to the dorsal end of the ship, the part that's still (mostly) whole, he rummages through compartments, hoping for anything useful, and smiles when he spies a bag hidden beneath a caved-in section of metal plating. He knew there was supposed to be two of them, but initially, he'd had little chance to look while trying to get himself and Hux away from the crash to shelter.

He raises an arm, focusing on the caved-in plating, and moves it back to its original spot, holding it there while he retrieves the small black bag of supplies.

His smile fades when he notices the back half of the bag is melted into the floor. Unzipping it, he digs through the items, pulling out another thermos—thankfully unharmed—, a spare coat, and some more minor medical supplies. That, at least, is a relief. He'd used the rest of the bacta on Hux's arm. The rations and water purifier at the bottom of the bag, however, are all melted as well, and he flares his nostrils, gritting his teeth as he packs the remains of this bag into the one he brought on his back.

They're already starting to run low on rations and it's only been two days.

______

Hux makes no reaction when Kylo tells him about the additional supplies he'd found, even though the bacta can ease the pain Kylo knows Hux's arm is causing him. Hux is probably just upset there was nothing useful regarding them leaving the planet left behind in the ruined shuttle.

With nothing else left to do, they spend the evening devising a plan. There's not much that can be done but to wander around and hope to find a settlement or something of the sort, so the plan is to climb to the top of the squat mountain nearby, hoping they can spot civilization from the peak. It's not much of a solid plan, there's no guarantee they'll spot anything from the top, but beyond that, they can think of nothing — not without any other supplies at their disposal. Not without a miracle.

Predictably, they avoid talking about after. After they get off this planet and secure a ship. There's nothing for them to go back to—the First Order has made it abundantly clear they're not wanted, and without the Order to go to, Kylo is lost. He's become invariably intertwined with it; is used to its rules, protocols and resources, even if he doesn't abide by their strict code. Without it, he's just Kylo Ren, alone in the galaxy with no one and no place to call home.

He's sure Hux feels the same, perhaps even to a harsher degree. He knows Hux's father was not a kind man; that he beat every lesson into his son. Hux was raised for the First Order and never once did he break from the course he'd been set upon. He spent every waking minute devoted to it and its goals, even losing sleep to devote more time to it. Hell, he's designed half the Order's weapons and ships. He made himself invaluable to the First Order through such dedication, and despite the other officer's rather low opinions of him, they tolerated him for that exact reason. Which, now that Kylo is truly thinking on it, it's odd they'd shoot him down while Hux was with him. Hux, though insufferable, was invaluable.

Was he truly so undesirable a Supreme Leader that they thought Hux would be an acceptable loss?

The thought makes a melancholic sickness bubble up in his chest.

No. He rejects the thought. There were those in the Order who desired Hux's position for themselves; they just killed two birds with one stone. Kylo and Hux were both undesirable to them.

It's what he repeats to himself when he lies down to sleep that night, again ignoring Hux as the General shifts back and forth a hundred times, restless and entirely annoying, unable to rest.

________

During the next day, they plan their trip up the mountain. Most of their time is spent gathering berries—which Hux insists are edible, and even eats one right in front of Kylo to prove his point—and they camp out by the stream so they may make the most of daylight in the following day. For the past few days, the weather has remained temperate, if a little cool, and though Kylo knows the further the elevation, the colder it becomes, he still holds out hope it'll continue to stay on its current trend.

In the evening, around the fire he started, he makes Hux roll up the sleeve of his coat so he can check the break and apply more bacta. It looks better than the last time he'd seen it—less swollen, and the bruises have faded to a brownish-yellow. Hopefully, the bacta will speed the healing of whatever's left.

He takes his gloves off, taking some bacta onto his fingers before rubbing it over Hux's thin forearm as gently as possible. In his hands, the arm looks so delicate and pale. Elegant, almost. It's warm to the touch and soft, covered in thin, golden-blonde hairs, and Kylo almost acts on the weird urge to run his hand across it. It's utterly bizarre to be gently touching Hux skin-on-skin, but he pushes the thought from his mind, instead choosing to focus on spreading the bacta. Occasionally, Hux makes a grunt whenever Kylo roves over the worst of it, but weathers through it easily enough, meaning the worst of it has already healed, or Hux would be in a whole other world of pain currently.

Satisfied with the job he did, Kylo stands and takes the opportunity to use the dwindling daylight. He takes off his robes and undershirt, then his pants, leaving himself only in dark briefs while he walks closer to the stream.

"What are you doing?" Hux asks indignantly, as though Kylo's bared skin is some great offence.

"Bathing," he answers. Bathing to the best of his ability, anyway. The stream is extremely shallow and cold, but he knows he stinks of sweat and dirt and smoke. He needs to feel clean. He's surprised Hux wasn't the one to suggest this first.

"You should too," he suggests when Hux stays silent. "We might not find water for a while when we're up on the mountain."

Hux doesn't respond. He remains oddly silent, just as he's been the entirety of the time they've been on this planet. For a while, the only sounds are Kylo bringing the frigid water to his body and the crackling of the fire. By the time he's done, Hux has finally decided to divest himself of his coat, uniform, and undershirt, but leaves his jodhpurs on. He wraps his arms around himself to ward off the slight chill in the air as he walks to the stream.

Kylo diverts his eyes, choosing to go back to the fire to warm up and dry. It keeps his attention occupied for a grand total of three minutes before his gaze drifts to Hux's pale form in the distance, watching his sinewy-muscles shift beneath pale skin as he washes.

Hux is small, Kylo realizes. Not in terms of height, but his build is less filled-out than Kylo thought it would be. The uniform and greatcoat add a lot of weight to his figure, and without them, Kylo finds himself surprised to see how much Hux's ribs stick out beneath pale skin, and how little muscle definition he posses. He supposes it makes sense, in a way. Hux spends his time doing administrative tasks and walking around the bridge. Never once had Kylo saw the man eat while onboard the _Finalizer_. The only ingestible substance Kylo had ever seen him consume was that damned bitter tea that was so pungent it could be smelt from across the room.

Still, he finds he can't take his eyes off the bared skin, and he doesn't have it in himself to search for the reason why.

Hux suddenly turns to look at him, and Kylo sharply looks away to the fire, where he resolutely keeps his eyes until Hux is done.

_______

Their treck up the mountain is an arduous one. Though not steep, the mountainside consists of patches of trees and dirt, which are easy enough to navigate with the roots of the trees being used as steps. And then there are the rocky patches. The rocks are easily dislodged by a bit of pressure, so each step must be tested, lest they lose their grip and slip and fall. It's time-consuming, above all else, and frustrating. Their boots—especially Hux's boots—aren't made for climbing mountains like this.

It's slow progress. Perhaps the only upside is the warmth that finally works its way into Kylo's bones, and before he knows it, has him sweaty and red-faced.

By the time evening comes around and they've started a new fire, he's pleasantly warm and is happy with the shelter they've made under a dense patch of pine trees. The fallen pine needles, while sharp and pointy, and the soft dirt, make for a pleasant place to rest compared to the compact dirt and rocks of their old shelter.

The constant walking and sore feet have tired him to the point where he falls asleep almost as soon as he lies down, completely ignoring what has now become Hux's normal routine of tossing and turning a million times.

________

Their luck doesn't last.

Kylo wakes to Hux leaning overtop of him, shaking his shoulder.

"What?" He mumbles, blinking the sleep out of his eyes. It's just light enough that he can make out Hux's face and the grey sky above.

"It's raining. Not much at the moment, but I thought you'd like to be awake before you were soaked."

"Fuck," he swears under his breath. It hasn't rained for the past few days. And while supposes the weather couldn't continue on like that forever, he wishes it held off for just a few more days. Just enough time for them to find civilization.

This time, they don't have the alcove to protect them from the rain. There are just the clothes on their backs, and those are only partially water-proof at best.

"Might as well get started walking then," Kylo says.

Hux nods, and Kylo can't help but notice the bags under his eyes that have only grown darker and more pronounced since they've crashed.

It hasn't escaped Kylo's attention that Hux is awake every time Kylo is pulled from sleep. That Hux spends his time trying to achieve sleep tossing and turning, which leaves Kylo with the easy conclusion Hux is stressed out and anxious, even though he he hides it well during the day. It's a wonder he even makes it through an entire day (even with the shorter than standard day cycle) without collapsing with exhaustion. Though, if the rumours aboard the Finalizer could be believed, sleep deprivation is an old friend of Hux's.

It used to be one of Kylo's too, until he burnt down Luke's academy and came to Snoke, putting an abrupt end to the debilitating night terrors he used to suffer through. Smoke taught him how to ignore these nightmares and to brush their effects off—and now, looking back, it should've been clear to him Snoke was the cause of said nightmares.

For a minute, he sits still, thinking about a life where Snoke never came to him, never haunted his dreams and waking thoughts. Would he still be that miserable boy who wanted nothing more than his parent's attention? Would he still despise every minute spent at his uncle's academy?

Yes, he settles on. But the thought of a boy who might've lived a content life haunts him regardless.

________

It starts pouring an hour or so into their climb up the mountain, so they stop and rest under a tree that provides a little shelter from the rain, leaving the thermoses out to collect rainwater. Kylo has his hood drawn up, but Hux's coat doesn't have one, nor does he have his command cap with him, which leaves him open to his hair getting soaked, and therefore plastered to his face, looking much longer than Kylo originally thought it was.

But Kylo can't stop thinking about Snoke. Of the abuse he heaped upon him, and that he accepted all of it because he thought he deserved it — thought it would make him stronger.

And all it lead to was a tenuous year of rule and backstabbing subordinates.

He sighs heavily, trying to fight off the anger he feels bubbling up. Instead, he looks to Hux for a distraction and runs through topics he could bring up.

"Have you seen much rain before?" He decides to ask.

"Yes," Hux answers, eyes settled on the forest before them.

"When? Where?"

Hux still doesn't turn to face him. "Arkanis."

"You grew up there, right?" Kylo asks, genuinely curious. He knows so little of Hux's personal life.

"I can barely remember it."

"So you've been to other planets?"

Hux shrugs.

Kylo needs to take in a deep breath to settle himself before he says something that will inevitably turn the conversation—if it could even be called that—into a pissing contest.

"So you've just spent your entire life on ships?"

"No. I never said that."

"You didn't say anything. You shrugged."

"They're nothing exciting to talk about."

"Well, it's better than silence, isn't it?"

"No."

Kylo rolls his eyes and gives an exaggerated sigh, and stands, ready to stomp away, to continue the journey up the mountain even over slippery rocks and low visibility just to make Hux's life harder, but one look at Hux, who's unusually pale and hugging his legs to his body to retain just a bit more body heat, and Kylo can't do it. On second consideration, he doesn't really want to go back out into the rain either, and would rather stay where only some drops make it through the canopy of leaves.

"I've been on too many planets to count," he states. Only the pattering of rain answers, but he continues anyway. "Searching for the map to Skywalker took me to the furthest reaches of the galaxy. Corstris is nothing compared to some of them—most were arid, some too cold to be on the surface for more than a few minutes. One of them rained acid."

"Acid?"

Kylo nods his head, even though he knows Hux isn't looking his way. "Its pH level was so low it ate through armour and durasteel." And still, he'd take it over this situation, he thinks. At least then he'd had supplies. And, he may have been serving under the thumb of Snoke at the time, but at least he didn't feel adrift in the darkness of space.

"Sounds like not the most ideal place to hide a map."

"They had shielding. Around the settlements."

"Wasteful." Hux says in dismissal.

Kylo shoots Hux a look as if to say, really? But Hux is still staring into the distance, the look lost on him entirely.

And suddenly he can't abide by Hux's solemn, disinterested act anymore. "What the fuck your problem?" He can't stop himself from asking, voice raised, and much too accusatory.

This at least, finally grabs Hux's attention. The man looks up at him and sneers, though the effect is offset by his soaking wet hair and generally miserable look. "My problem?" He asks, an edge of indignation searing the question.

"Yeah, your _problem_. You don't sleep, you barely say more than a word at a time, and always have that spaced-out look on your face. You've barely even contributed to helping us get off this planet."

Hux stands abruptly, sneer still present on his face, and shakes out his coat, sending the droplets of water that accumulated upon it flying off. "My problem, Ren, is that we're stranded on Corstris, a planet well known for its distaste of the First Order, because we were shot down by our own subordinates. My _problem_ is that I'm here with _you_, when they planned to–" And Hux abruptly stops himself, eyes widening just a fraction too much, and Kylo realizes he wasn't supposed to know whatever he was about to say. That Hux has been keeping a secret this entire time.

"Planned to what?" Kylo seethes.

Hux stays silent while Kylo's mind jogs with the implications of Hux's words.

"Planned to oust me? And you _knew_ of it, and said _nothing?!_" He'd been right. A couple days ago, when thinking about how the First Order had wanted to rid themselves of just him, he was _right_.

And Hux knew all along.

"I was going to tell you. I hadn't a chance to say anything about it before we were shot down."

"You're lying." Kylo states in a low tone. He steps closer to Hux, and keeps going until Hux is backed into the trunk of the tree they've been sheltering under. "You've wanted me dead for years. So who came up with the plan? Pryde? Peavey? Or _you_? Couldn't let them take what you've always wanted to do yourself?" He snarls.

He looks straight into Hux's pale eyes and sees hate and fear simmering under the surface, mixing into something that paralyzes Hux. He's searching for something to say, Kylo can tell. But he knows just as well as Kylo that nothing he can say will make this any better.

Kylo places his forearm against Hux's neck, exerting just enough pressure to disturb his breathing. If it'll work—he's not sure. Hux only comes to heel when he's sure his life is in direct danger, and even then, he has a disposition for being stubborn.

"I know about that pathetic knife you keep under your sleeve. I know you don't sleep at night. Why am I not dead?" Kylo presses.

Hux brings his hands up to Kylo's arm, as if to push it off, but he makes no further movement.

"I—"

And he says nothing further. For the first time in the near decade-long Kylo's known him, he's witnessing Hux wordless. Completely unable to work his way out of a situation with silver-tongued lies.

Kylo does not back up, does not loosen the pressure on Hux's neck. A smile—not a kind or good-natured one—a gloating smirk, really, takes over his face. "You're here with me because they didn't want you either. All your little engineering projects weren't enough, and now you're a cast-off just like me."

Hux's face twitches; as well as he tries to hide his fury, it's useless. Kylo can feel it through the force. But he doesn't care. Hux is pathetic—there's nothing his anger can amount to. Satisfied, Kylo releases the pressure he'd from his arm he'd been exerting on Hux's neck, turns around, and simply walks out from under the tree, uncaring that rain begins beating down on his cloak.

He pauses for a moment. "Find your own way off this planet," he says with an air of finality. He doesn't look back.

Any second he expects Hux to trail after him, to protest or even beg. Yet as he keeps walking, he hears nothing but rain pattering upon the trees and ground, and wind rustling leaves.

They'd made it about halfway up the mountain, and there's still a bit of treeline before the rocky peak. Kylo decides he'll try and make it to that point, and will wait for the rain to let up before going to the top, where there's no cover, and try to spot any outposts or towns.

He still finds himself surprised Hux hasn't come trailing after him with a half-baked reason as to why Kylo can't leave him alone on this planet. Any second, there'll be an Imperial-accented voice coming from behind him, nagging and reasoning. But when minutes turn into hours, he's not so sure Hux is going to trail after him at all. Which is not a smart move on Hux's part; he can't survive on his own. Kylo has the bag with all the food, with the medpack, and—

The thermos.

He forgot the thermos.

It was sitting right there on the ground, collecting rainwater alongside Hux's.

And he forgot it.

Without it, Kylo is as good as dead.

It's at least two hours to walk back, and that's if he hurries. Only. He doesn't remember the exact way back and... it's grown difficult to see with the minimal light left in the day. Not to mention; it's _still_ pouring, there's no shelter around, and his robes and cloak are beginning to weigh him down now that rainwater has begun to permeate the material. Kylo stops for a minute to take a good look around, finding there's nothing but pine trees in every direction he looks—Nowhere to take shelter for the night, or to hide from the wind that keeps trying to pull the hood of his cloak down, or to simply _rest_.

So he guesses the way back to Hux. As he does so, the wind starts howling, and rain picks up, now coming in slanted sheets that beat down on the side of his face. He can't feel his nose, and his hair is so wet it drips rainwater into his eyes.

The outlines of pine trees are faint at this point, everything a murky blue, and before he knows it, there'll be no visibility and he'll freeze to death in this forest by himself.

It's too dark to even know where he is, and his only choice to stop for a second, shivering in the rain. To close his eyes to focus, and seek out Hux in the force. Because he has no idea where Hux may be, it's a complex process. He can only reach out so far in the force. There are layers upon layers of different lifeforms, ranging all the way from the cells making up the ferns dotting the forest floor to birds and rodents, sleeping and hiding away from the rain, to more complex makeups such as humans.

It takes him a few minutes. His focus wavers in and out, attention torn away by how his wet clothes feel like ice upon his skin, how his hands, feet, and face are losing feeling, and the dryness in the back of his throat.

And then he feels him. Dim and muted though his presence may be—he must've walked the opposite way Kylo did (and isn't that just the best luck. Leave it to Hux to make his life more difficult)—Kylo gets a general feel for where Hux is.

He wastes no time getting there for fear his lips may start to turn blue and he'll lose feeling in more than his feet and hands.

________

Kylo stands in front of a giant, gaping entrance to a cave so big his steps echo through it, just audible above the stream running from somewhere in the back to out the mouth, his lightsaber by his side, crackling and spitting each time a drop hits it. A deep red glow illuminates the cave, bathing Hux in its light. He's sitting off to the side, hugging his drawn-up legs to his body, very visibly shivering. Every inch of him is soaked, from hair that clings to his face to the water-logged material of his uniform.

"Came back to murder me?" Hux asks, much too blasé for a man sitting curled up and shivering in a cave. Most of the bite of his question is lost to the audible shiver in his voice.

"No," Kylo simply states.

Because luckily for Hux, Kylo is just as cold as him, if not more. Now that he's stopped trekking through the forest, everything in his line of sight is a blur, the darkness in the edge of his vision starts to morph into nothing but dots blotting out his sight. His body uncontrollably shivers so deeply he can feel the spasms in his muscles. The walk up the mountain and then back down to Hux felt like a marathon and he needs to sit. Immediately. Or he may just fall over for how devoid of energy he is.

He stumbles into the cave, turning off his lightsaber, and noting the absence of rain on his skin and wind, but he does not _feel_ it.

Does not feel much of anything before he hits the ground and everything is black.

_______

Coming back to the world is confounding at first. There's too much to register. Too much feeling. To make it more puzzling, it's pitch black. There's a weight on him that's heavy, but not crushingly so. And even weirder— he reaches out a hand to investigate the _warm solid body_ upon him and touches _bare skin_.

It's Hux. Lying on top of him.

Without clothes.

Kylo can feel Hux's soft skin against his own. Can feel Hux's diaphragm as he breathes in and out steadily.

For a truly long minute, it refuses to click in his mind that he's naked. That Hux is lying on top of him. That they're both _naked_.

The worst part is that it isn't even unpleasant; it's so damn cold that every inch of his body that isn't touching Hux's is icy and numb, longing for the same amount of heat that radiates where their skin meets. Even the ground beneath his back is cool—the fabric they lie upon doing nothing to warm them. It must be the spare coat he'd been keeping in the bag.

Kylo shifts, then immediately stops himself, face almost growing warm.

He is, indeed, one-hundred percent naked.

"Ren?" Hux asks, his voice groggy. He stretches a bit, then, too, seems to remember they are naked and stops immediately.

"Where are my clothes, Hux?" asks Kylo.

"Just to the side of us," Hux answers as if this is a perfectly normal situation to be in. The vibration of him talking can be felt through Kylo's chest. It's a strange sensation, again, not entirely unpleasant. "You were unconscious and breathing shallowly. This was the only way to warm us up."

He shifts again, feels Hux's thigh between his legs and _just_ how distinctly bare they are.

"And removing _all_ our clothes was the way to do that?"

"Wet clothes are the worst possible thing to have on in this situation. And yes, that includes our underwear."

Realization then sharply dawns that Hux stripped him. Peeled back every layer on his body, right down to his briefs. Though it'd have been dark when Hux did it, it's such a disarming thought Kylo can't help but feel robbed for words. He just lies there with Hux's fucking thigh between his legs, still freezing, with Hux's body being the only part of him warmed enough to feel. He wants to pull him in, to be completely enveloped because he's so tired of shivering. Of being unable to feel his limbs. But that isn't possible.

So he lies there, listening to the rain outside, the stream travelling through the cave and to Hux's soft breaths against his ear.

He'd like to forget this situation is happening. But each time Hux inhales and exhales, he can feel the entire process happen. He's never lain with another person like this before—there'd been a couple of quick, impersonal nights he's fucked someone, their bodies slumped together as they heaved for air in the aftermath before quickly separating—but nothing like this. It's agonizingly intimate. Each exhale of hot air he feels against his ear is affecting him in a way he wishes it wouldn't.

Once blood begins to travel south, he panics.

He wants to push Hux off of him, but the warmth between their skin is like a bond that can't be cut. Nothing is worth being cold again.

Maybe talking will take his mind off it and it'll go away.

(Not like that hasn't gone horribly sideways the last time he tried it with Hux).

"Did you even sleep tonight?" He asks instead.

Anything to take his mind off the fact that he's hard from being skin to skin with someone else. Maybe Hux will ignore it. Maybe he won't—

"Oh shut up, Ren," Hux states.

And promptly grinds down against Kylo's cock.

Kylo's eyes widen to a near-comical degree and a surprised noise is punched out of him, his hands flying up to grasp at the back of Hux's shoulders as an automatic response. Then Hux does it again. They're— this. This wasn't expected. He's growing fully hard and then there's Hux—who's also half-hard against his thigh and he really doesn't know what else to do but sit there and let it happen for a couple more seconds until his rational brain kicks in and says this is _crazy_.

He's the Supreme Leader of the First Order and Hux is just a General under his boot.

Except. They're not that anymore.

And Hux feels good against him.

"You're really something else," Kylo scoffs half-deliriously, not exactly meaning it in a positive light. Because who the fuck initiates sex to avoid talking?

Hux apparently understands the barb and snarls, only grinding harder. And _stars_ if the warm and soft skin of his thigh doesn't feel amazing against Kylo's dick. It's not frictionless, is sort of uncomfortable in its roughness, but that's what Kylo likes about it.

It's enough to motivate him to sit up slightly, gripping tightly onto Hux's shoulders, and flip their positions so that he's the one controlling... _whatever this is_. He regrets it when his bare back is met with cool air, not having realized just how much the coat beneath him had been keeping it warm. But regrets it only slightly.

It's worth it when he earns a surprised grunt from Hux, who reaches for his hair and tugs on it as they continue to move against each other, panting and grunting, each seeking their own pleasure from each other's bodies.

"Stop tugging on my hair," Kylo growls when Hux grips it too tight after a particularly rough thrust.

"And why not? You keep it so past regulation-length that it ought to be good for something."

"What? Like yours isn't longer than it should be? Never knew you were hiding so much beneath your hair gel."

That keeps Hux silent aside from an occasional breathy and subdued moan.

Kylo can't resist pushing further. "You love to hide, don't you? Beneath your uniform, you're so small." He brings a hand to run down Hux's side, feeling the bumps of his ribcage. "And you like to hide behind that stern mask, too. But you're _enjoying_ this."

"I _initiated_ this. Now–" he stops when a moan is forced out of him, "now _shut up_ if you don't want to lose a chunk of your h-hair, Ren." Hux tugs on it again, as if to give warning.

Kylo just finds it incredibly arousing and renews his efforts.

He doesn't think about the fact that they're essentially humping each other like teenagers in a cave. In fact, he cares little. All he knows is the inexplicable pleasure of being so close to Hux.

It doesn't take long for him to work himself up, already getting to the point where his thighs shake and his rhythm is off, where his breathing elevates into breathy pants. Hux is close too—he can tell by the way Hux's muffled moans are pitched slightly higher every thrust or so.

Then Hux digs his nails into Kylo's back.

And he's coming hard. It's sticky and warm between them. And it's... a lot. Kylo pants with the exertion, only slightly holding his full weight off of Hux even though he'd like nothing more than to collapse. But Hux is still hard and panting, so Kylo sits up, straddling Hux, and takes him in hand. Hux jumps at the contact. Kylo is content to explore his cock with his hand, running it up and down the soft skin of it and smearing the pre-come beading at the head. He strokes firmly until Hux finishes with a choked moan.

For a while, it's just their ragged breathing and the darkness that surrounds them until Kylo finally moves to the right of Hux and lies half on-top of him.

The warmth is nice, and his limbs have regained feeling again from their activities.

He's content to close his eyes and hopes the sun will greet them in the morning.

Until Hux starts speaking.

"I'm scared of the dark," he says.

Kylo tenses, and opens his eyes in surprise, even if it's too dark to register any expression Hux is making. He processes the statement with some surprise, and feels dread gather inside him. He doesn't know what to say or how to feel about such a personal statement.

Sex—it can be personal and impersonal at the same time, but _this_ is something else entirely.

"Every time I fall asleep since we crashed on Corstris, I get these nightmares. They're the delusions of a child, nothing more than monsters hiding in the dark waiting to rip me apart, yet they shake me awake every time."

And Kylo had felt that terror. On the first night after that crash, he'd woken to the bone-deep terror gripping Hux in his dreams. To Kylo, the fear felt like a longing to be held and protected from something unknown. The dark, he realizes now.

"Why are you telling me this?" He asks.

"Because who else are you going to tell? What does it matter? We're both going to die on this planet or be in exile forever. Besides, you asked me why I don't sleep, and now I'm telling you.

"When I was a child, my father often thought he could beat every weakness out of me. I was very young, asked for a nightlight, just like the one I remembered my mother giving me, and he took it upon himself to leave me in the forest by myself late at night on the planet we were stationed on. He didn't come back until morning."

Kylo's mouth parts. He knew Brendol Hux hadn't been kind to his son, but this. He imagines his own mother would have Han arrested if he'd ever done such a thing to Kylo. And as a child, Kylo had been scared of the dark too. He'd had an Ewok nightlight that emitted soft blue light beside his bed that often was the last barrier between him and nightmares of monsters coming to steal him away in the night.

Something in his chest clenches at knowing Hux was denied the same privilege. "And that didn't help I'm guessing," he says, in reference to Hux being stuck in the woods alone.

"No. It made it worse. I just learned not to say anything to him about it after."

"And here we are."

"Yes," Hux agrees. "Here we are. Right in the source of my childhood nightmares."

Kylo doesn't know how to respond to that, to make it better or placate Hux, so he reaches out a hand to Hux's, which lies close by, and envelops it in his own, squeezing it lightly. It's cold, just as his own is, but so much more delicate compared to his calloused palms and broad fingers.

Hux stiffens beneath him, and for a second, Kylo thinks he'll withdraw his hand, but then the tension drains away and Hux goes pliant. Kylo holds on for a couple seconds longer and lets the hand go, loathe as he is to leave the warmth they were starting to generate between them behind.

"We're going to get off this planet," Kylo states, overcome with renewed energy.

"Oh? It's back to 'we' again?"

Kylo snorts. "I tried it out on my own already. Didn't work well." He lets the noise outside drift between them for a minute, content to just feel Hux breath beneath him. And then, softer, he says, "And after... after this planet... it's just us."

And the whole galaxy to explore — to hide within.

"I've lived my entire life in shifts, in uniforms, and with the structure of ranks. I don't... I can't imagine visiting a vendor on the street of some outer rim planet and holding a civil conversation, or paying for a home, or working beneath someone some lowlife for a meagre pay. I don't know how to be just... normal."

"It's not as great a change as you're thinking—I transferred to the First Order well enough."

Hux laughs a weird, half-restrained thing, as though it came out of his mouth before he realized it was and chokes it off at the last moment, all while the sound vibrates in his chest and against Kylo's. Without his consent, Kylo finds his lips twitching into the slightest of smiles.

"You? Transferring to the First Order well? The first week Snoke placed you aboard my ship, I had ten officers reporting to me they'd seen a masked man breaking every rule they could think of. All the way from uniforms to conduct."

"And then I choked one of them," Kylo adds, remembering his first week aboard a freshly promoted Hux's (soon to be their jointly shared) ship all too well.

"Yes, then you choked my captain they knew not to question you. Congratulations on your subtly skills."

Not exactly a smooth transition, Kylo amends in his mind. But one he'd succeeded at in the end.

Until he'd been shot down by his own subordinates, he supposes.

But he doesn't want to think about that right now. Especially when a slight breeze enters the cave and he shivers, only wanting to cling closer to Hux.

"Do you think our clothes are dry?" Kylo asks, and then, "How long was I out for?"

"An hour at most. It wasn't very long. And I doubt they're dry. Your cloak might be, but my uniform will be hours still."

Kylo rolls off Hux and sits up, wincing when he feels the sticky mess on his abdomen, but resigns himself to the fact there's nothing he can do about it short of walking over to the stream running through the cave and use the frigid water to wash himself.

He reaches around in the dark until his hand connects with a bundle of fabric that's still damp — likely Hux's uniform, and keeps searching until his hand meets the smooth fabric of his cloak, which is blessedly dry. It's not heavy fabric, but it blocks out wind well enough and is better than nothing.

Returning to his spot beside Hux, he hesitates before moving close, lying half on top of him, and draping the cloak above them. It's not especially large—it's just enough to cover the both of them. But its effect is immediate. The heat they generate is kept beneath and soon enough, Kylo's skin doesn't feel ice cold.

"You should get some sleep," he says to Hux.

Hux makes a sound of agreement and shifts around, trying to get comfortable. It's a steep task considering they're essentially lying on rocks, but Hux eventually settles. He doesn't toss and turn like previous nights.

Kylo falls asleep easily.

_____

In the morning, the sun does not shine to warm the soaked ground or trees that drip with water, but not a droplet falls from the grey-heavy sky either.

There's a crick in his neck, Kylo first observes, wincing at the feeling. Then it registers Hux is lying half on top of him, his head resting on Kylo's shoulder, and leg tangled with Kylo's. How they switched during the night, he isn't sure.

But Hux is asleep for once, he realizes.

He looks a lot different while resting. Less severe and more... human. Calm. There's none of the ever-present tension stuck in his face and shoulders.

The events of the previous night still are a reality he's not sure what to make of. A truce of sorts, perhaps? Whatever that was — it was purely physical. Just a need to work out frustration and dejection. That's all. He almost doesn't want to wake Hux up and face what transpired between them in the daylight, where a certain starkness about it nags on his mind.

But they have a mountain to climb up, a planet to escape, and a galaxy to disappear within.

And he can't do it alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, the writer is very very insecure about her writing, so a comment would be greatly appreciated!! ♡
> 
> Hopefully more kylux fics to come!
> 
> Follow me at my Twitter (where I am mostly active) [@bastila_s](https://twitter.com/bastila_s) and my tumblr [bastila-s](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/bastila-s)!


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